With the season of Thanksgiving upon us, many of us instinctively reach for gratitude. We make lists, we gather with family, and we remind ourselves to appreciate what is good. But in recent years, gratitude feels harder to cultivate. And we are not imagining it. Psychologically, emotionally, and culturally, we are living through an unusually heavy time.
We carry political conflicts that divide communities and family tables. We absorb a steady stream of distressing global news, including wars, humanitarian crises, climate anxiety, and economic strain. Closer to home, people are grieving the loss of loved ones, navigating caregiver stress, experiencing mental illness, and managing the daily overwhelm of modern life.
And all of this arrives in a season that asks us to slow down, connect, and feel thankful.
I’ve been feeling and thinking about this tension myself. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. It’s historically been a day of simplicity for me, good food, family, and a sense of connection and warmth that didn’t depend on gifts or elaborate planning. In my family, Thanksgiving is potluck-style, so no one has to carry the burden of prepping a full meal. But on a walk recently, I shared with my husband that Thanksgiving has felt different these past few years. The luster has dimmed. Some of that is from losing my dad, who is no longer at the table. But some of it is simply the weight of continuing to live and love in a world that feels strained. This experience, of wanting to feel grateful while also feeling heavy, is more common than we talk about. And importantly, from a psychological standpoint, it’s also healthy.
Gratitude and heaviness are not opposites
There is a misconception that gratitude requires the absence of sorrow, conflict, or exhaustion. But human emotional life isn’t unidimensional or binary. In fact, our nervous system is built to hold multiple emotional truths at once. Emotional granularity, or the ability to feel and name more than one feeling at a time, is hardwired for us and is actually associated with greater resilience. People who can say I feel grateful and tired or I feel connected and sad tend to cope better than people who force themselves into one emotional category.
This means you don’t have to choose between gratitude and heaviness. You can allow both to sit at your table.
Why does this time feel uniquely difficult?
Part of the difficulty of the current moment is what is called the cumulative load—the layering of multiple stressors that individually feel manageable but collectively can become overwhelming. Even when we do not experience events directly, exposure to constant global crises through news and social media creates low-grade grief and distress that is often hard to identify. So if gratitude feels harder this year, it’s not a personal failure. It’s a normal response to an abnormal amount of strain.
Cultivating balance
How can we honor both gratitude and heaviness during this season of thanksgiving? There are several psychologically grounded ways people can hold both truths of thankfulness and grief, appreciation and weariness, without minimizing either.
1. Make space for your whole emotional landscape. Instead of pushing heaviness away, name it. “I am thankful for this family gathering, and I also miss the person who isn’t here.” “I feel grateful for the security I have while also feeling anxious about the world.” Naming both feelings reduces internal tension and honors your emotional reality. Small gestures of noticing can help to calm us, even in stressful times.
2. Create intentional moments of pause. In a heavy world, slowing down is an act of resistance and hope. Taking a moment before a meal or gathering to breathe, reflect, or acknowledge those who are absent or the struggles we face can soften emotional edges and make room for both grief and joy.
3. Honor loss as part of the story. If someone is missing at your table through death, distance, estrangement, or change, consider naming that absence to bring emotional integrity to the day. Gratitude is often deepest when it sits alongside remembrance.
4. Practice “both/and” thinking. Emotional well-being does not come from eliminating negative emotions but from integrating them. Both/and thinking keeps us flexible, not brittle. Both/and thinking sounds like:
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“This year has been hard, and I’m grateful for the moments of light.”
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“I feel stressed, and I’m thankful for the people supporting me.”
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“There is conflict in the world, and there is goodness here too.”
5. Lean into connection, not perfection. Sometimes the heaviness we feel is connected to expectations, such as how the holiday should feel, how family should get along, how people should behave, and how peaceful the world should be. Letting go of perfection allows us to show up exactly how we are. Connection, even when imperfect and messy, is still a real connection and often a more realistic goal.
Gratitude Essential Reads
This season of Thanksgiving, it’s OK if the holiday feels different. It’s OK if joy is intertwined with sadness, or gratitude feels quieter than it once did. Life’s beauty often lies in its complexity and in the ability to feel thankful, even with a tender heart.
Gratitude doesn’t erase heaviness. Heaviness doesn’t cancel gratitude. In a world that feels strained, learning to hold both might be one of the most important gifts that we have.
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