By Dr. Healey Gardiner
As per the classic Andy Williams tune, the holiday season is viewed as “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!” Although this may be true for many, for many others the holiday season may consist of a collection of tense interactions, heightened stress, and exposure to potentially upsetting people/places/things. As a result, many individuals find the holiday season to be accompanied by numerous not-so-wonderful emotions: anxiety, fear, guilt, anger, sadness, to name a few. Emotions are natural and instinctual and can be difficult to manage. Although we cannot remove our ability to feel a specific emotion (even if we could, we need our emotions!), there are a variety of strategies for coping with any strong during this time that you can use.
• Say P-L-E-A-S-E! Our animalistic “human-needs” are huge factors in how vulnerable we are to become emotional. Consider how these “PLEASE Skills” apply for you:
- Physical Illnesses: We are more emotionally dysregulated if we feel unwell. This also applies to any physical condition that is not an everyday occurrence: menstruation, pain, pregnancy, headache, missing medications, new medications etc.
- Eat a Balanced Diet: This does not mean count calories, diet, or eat a specific way. It does mean ensure you are fed as your body needs to be fed. Remember the old commercial – we are not ourselves if we are hungry! Ps: same goes for hydration!
- Avoid Mood-Altering Substances: Take this for what it means for you and be mindful. If alcohol makes you anxious, you could either abstain or keep this in mind for when you do drink so you’re not caught off guard if you’re anxious later. This also applies to caffeine – I would never expect everyone to give up caffeine (I would be a hypocrite as well), just be mindful of how it impacts your emotions.
- Get Proper Sleep: Our body heals and recharges while we sleep. On average, most people need 7-9 hours per night. Whatever your body naturally needs, try to protect that time for yourself.
- Get Exercise: Like with food, this does not mean workout, go to the gym, lose weight etc. If you want to have full workouts, by all means. In general, this means have movement in your day to expend the energy you produce. Go for a walk, dance, play with pets, whatever works for you and is accessible to you.
• Be mindful of screentime and media-aware. Social media is constant, 24/7 curated stories. “Instagram versus Reality” is a true concept. It is easy to look online and begin comparing ourselves to others: what their decorating style is like, what they bought for gifts, who they had in their lives etc. Remember that all experiences have worth and are valid. Also, remember that we only see what people want us to see (and what algorithms show us). If needed, put screentime limits on your phone and/or delete apps (easy Google search if you need to learn to do this).
• If needed, have a discussion with your loved ones about the holiday season. It is okay to set boundaries, state your needs, ask your friends and family to refrain from specific topics/behaviours/discussions around you. Ultimately, it will likely make interactions more comfortable for everyone, rather than having emotion-laden reactions in the moment.
• Practice self-compassion. Remember that every human has inherent self-worth regardless of what they do or do not have, or what people say and believe. We live in a culture that suggests worth is conditional on having success and approval. Remind yourself that you would not be worth more if things were a specific way, and you are not worth less if things are not a specific way.
• Realize that it will be nearly impossible to ignore negative emotions and thoughts that come up during holiday activities. Make sure you are prepared with positive self-soothing strategies if negative emotions arise. For example, practice encouraging self-statements or breathing exercises to soothe you.
• Do not be afraid of making new, positive memories this season. Self-reflect on how you can make this holiday season both joyful and meaningful.
• Consider talking to friends, family, or a mental health professional before or during the holiday season.
Generation Conversations is a monthly column alternating focus on children and seniors mental health to create awareness and offer knowledge of relevant issues and practical suggestions. The column is shared by Staci Person (children) and Victoria Ewen (seniors), psychologists at Sullivan and Associates Clinical Psychology. It appears on the Healthstyle page on the fourth Tuesday of each month.
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